Be With Me
by Jacqlor
Summary: There comes a point in our lives when we'd feel alone and wonder if anybody would ever come and pull us out from that solitude, who would take our hands and walk with us, see us through life, and whisper 'You'll never be alone again' and we'd know that we won't face life alone ever again.
1. Chapter 1

**My first attempt in writing in first person narrative. But I realized that I still have a long way to go so I would revert to my old writing style for the succeeding chapters. I hope you'd still like this one.**

* * *

I haven't seen you since yesterday. Well, except for that video call amid the chaotic, tense situation we're all in, that is. I miss you and I was so worried about you when I realized how intense the situation was at the precinct. I can't wait to see you today because honestly, I got scared. I was so scared yesterday that something might happen to you especially when I saw on the news that the mob protesting outside the precinct had forced their way inside. I couldn't even began to describe the fear I felt as I imagined what could happen while you're inside the precinct and the mob, driven by their anger, might do horrible things to every single cop they'd laid eyes on. Seeing you today will bring me peace because I will be assured that you're fine. I want to make sure that you don't have cuts, or bruises, and you're not missing a limb.

I stare at my closet and study all my clothes. I'm looking for an ensemble that I would look best into, even though you probably won't notice. But I'm still dressing up a little because who knows? Maybe when I enter your office later, you'd notice how this particular shade of blue brings out the color of my eyes. Or maybe when I whip my head to look at you as we discuss the cause of death of our would-be victim later, you'd notice how my hair would fall back to frame my face perfectly, each time. Thinking of these things makes me smile already. But I better stop daydreaming and start preparing for work since being scolded by you for being late is not the kind of attention that I prefer to receive from you.

* * *

"I didn't realize there would be a meeting today. I didn't get the memo." I said as I enter your office when I saw the team already inside.

"There's no meeting, Jo. I just have something to say. Something that I want to share to all of you being this team has been my family ever since." You said, as you try to contain your excitement.

"Oh, what is it?" I said, can't help but grin too, at the controlled giddiness that you're displaying. You looked like a small boy about to boast about your new toy.

"Well, yesterday was a tough one. And as I sat there, talking with Tim's girlfriend, she had said something that left an impression on me. She'd told me that Tim used to sign off his letters to her with 'Today is life. The only life you're sure of. Make the most of today'. And I realized that Tim was right. We all don't know if there'd be a tomorrow waiting for us. We don't know if today would be the last day that we'll see each other, hear each other's voice..." You said shrugging, and somehow I feel like something big is about to happen.

You looked at us as a grin started spreading on your lips, your eyes dancing. I couldn't help but smile, too as if it's the most natural thing to do.

"The reason why I was not able to join you last night was because after what Tori Bell said, I realized that I don't want to wait any more before I do what I did." You paused and took a deep breath but your smile never left your face.

"I proposed to Christine last night. And… well, she said yes."

You beamed at us as you say those words and I stood paralyzed, unable to move any part of my body. I heard Adam's woot, Don clapped his hands, Danny shouted 'yeah', Lindsay yelped, Sheldon congratulated you. But I, I was not able to do anything. The smile I have on felt like it was plastered to my face. I tried to say something but my jaws felt like they're locked. Every single part of my body's not moving, except for one. My heart. I felt it cracked, chipped, before it smashed into a million tiny pieces in my chest. And each piece with sharp edges cut into me, making it painful for me to even breathe.

You approached me with that boyish smile of yours and said something but I didn't hear it. I could only hear my heart as it pounded in my ears, the pounding making me feel like my heart's being pulverized with a pestle.

"What?" I had finally forced out of my mouth.

"I said, are you that happy for me?" You repeated, nodding your head at something on my face.

"What you mean?" I asked, feeling lost.

You playfully rolled your eyes at me as your hand went near my face and touched it. It was only then that I realized that you were brushing on a stray tear that I was not even aware had escaped from my eye.

"Tears of joy?" You asked, just as your fingers left my face.

I forced out a wide grin and nodded my head at you because I didn't trust myself to speak.

You chuckled lightly before pulling me into your arms and held me tight. I embraced you too but it's not as tight. I feel limp, like a lifeless soul. No, like a lifeless body without a soul, would be a more appropriate way of saying it.

I worked through my shift, barely talking to anybody, but I kept the plastered smile on my face and hope that nobody would take notice that it's fake. I was already about to leave the lab when I passed by your office, Don and Danny laughing at something you'd said. I pretended to not notice and walked a little bit faster but you were quicker than my legs. You called out my name and for a while I felt like I was a fugitive caught by my jailer. I heaved a deep breath before I put on another wide smile and entered your office. Maybe someday, if I don't want to be a CSI anymore, I could audition for a part in theater. It seemed like I could be a good actress.

"We're going to celebrate Mac's engagement tonight so don't leave yet. We're just waiting for Lindsay who's talking with the babysitter." Danny said, motioning to the opposite direction where Lindsay was.

My mind frantically thought of any excuse that I could use to avoid joining you on your celebration but it couldn't come up with anything at all. It's as blank as a white sheet of paper. I stood there, at the middle of your office, still trying to force my mind to churn out any excuse at all, no matter how lame, when Lindsay stormed in, a scowl on her face.

"Babe, I can't find anybody to look after Lucy. Everybody's busy with homework and exams."

"Nobody at all? Not even one?" Danny asked, pushing up his eyeglasses.

"None." Lindsay shook her head sadly at her husband.

"I'm sorry Mac, looks like we won't be able to join you tonight." Danny said, looking dejectedly at you.

How I wish that I also have a toddler in my house so that I could use that excuse every time I needed it, like now.

"We can just go out some other time. Tomorrow maybe, or whenever we could." You said, leaning back on your chair.

_Thank God!_

I let go of the breath that I was not even aware I was holding until then. Now I won't have to sit in a restaurant and smile artificially all night through as I listen to conversations about you and Christine and feel my heart break over and over again. I hope you won't think that I'm not happy for you. I am. I really am. But being happy for you does not mean that it could cover up the pain that had engulfed me when you broke the news to us this morning.

I was almost at the door, about to leave your office when I heard you calling my name. I sighed slightly so that you won't notice as I feel the irritation bubbling up inside me. I just want to go home, to go far away from you, can't you see that? I turned around to face you but didn't take another step further into your office. You stared at me with that frown of yours, scrutinizing my expression.

"Are you okay?" You asked, concern on your face.

"Yeah. I'm just tired." I said, hoping that you'd take the cue and let me go already. Suddenly I remembered what I was wearing and how I thought it brought out the color of my eyes. For a while I got worried that you might see through my eyes and my feelings. I averted my gaze and looked at your collar instead.

"Oh. I was just wondering if you'd like to grab a burger and light beer with me. I miss that greasy burger we used to have at the diner down the block." You said, trying to entice me with food. Of course you did not see through me, why would you, right? You're in cloud nine right now being engaged to the woman you love who's not me.

"I'm sorry, Mac. But I'm really exhausted." I said, surprised that I have the ability to say no to food and most especially to you.

"Oh" I heard your disappointed tone say, your eyes shifting from my face to the floor. I felt bad for rejecting your offer and for disappointing you. I know you might just want to celebrate even a little but I don't want to sit there and fool you all night through. I don't think I could keep you company and pretend that everything's okay with me because the truth is my heart's already shattered and I just want to go home and try picking up the pieces. But I won't attempt to piece them all back because I know that it will take some time, no, actually scratch that. It will take a long time before I would be able to piece it together. So I swallowed hard and forced myself to stand by my decision.

"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow then. Good night Jo." You said, offering me a small smile.

I tried to smile back at you but I felt like it came out as a smirk. I bid you good night before I waited for the elevator to send me down to my car where I could take down my mask and be myself. And what a relief when I finally heaved myself to the seat! I let out a small sarcastic laugh at the ridiculousness of my situation. Here I am, a first grade detective, assistant supervisor of the New York crime lab, but seeking comfort from a big metallic contraption. How much more pathetic could I be?

* * *

'Mom, I can't reach your mobile. Are you home? Well I just want to tell you that I'm going to stay at Linda's. We're not yet done with our science project and tomorrow's Saturday anyway so I'll just sleep here tonight and I'll call you again tomorrow morning. Love you, Mom.'

So I'm going to be alone tonight. I had thought that at least I could hug Ellie tonight and make myself feel better. But look at what I found when I got home. Extricating my phone from my bag before I dropped it on the couch, I checked my phone's battery and saw that it was already drained. I'm hungry but I don't want to eat. I feel like I'm about to get sick. I fetched myself a glass of water and proceeded to my room. After connecting my phone to the charger, I changed into my pajamas and forced myself to drink half of the water. I turned off the lights, every single one of them, before I crawled under the covers. I buried myself deep down the covers and hugged my pillow tight as I force myself to sleep the pain away.

It was a three stone engagement ring on a silver band. A long-stemmed red rose. A really nice and a little expensive restaurant. A violin or piano maybe. You went down in one knee and asked her to marry you. That's how I pictured your proposal to her might have had happened. She's very lucky, I hope she knew that. I've been trying to get some sleep but every time I close my eyes, I see the ring. Or the rose. Or any other part of the proposal scene that I had created in my mind. I had shifted on my bed a lot of times already and I'd turned my pillows this way and that, trying to find a new spot that haven't been soaked in tears and mascara yet.

It's almost dawn and I don't feel like coming to work today, not when my eyes are all puffy, a telltale sign of having been cried the whole night through. And I don't want to face you yet, I'm not even ready to join you in your celebration should you pursue it after our shift. My eyelids are heavy, I want to take a nap now then call the lab early in the morning and ask them to inform you that I'm not coming in today. I'll just try to come up with an… ex-… cuse…

I shot up from bed, my heart beating fast. I looked around my room but it was dark. I turned my gaze to the glowing digital clock on my bedside table and quickly jumped out of my bed. It was already10:30 and I'm already too late for work. I wondered why my phone's alarm did not sound off and that's when I remembered that I was not supposed to come in today. I sat back down on my bed as I felt weirdness around my eyes. I raised my hand and touched my eyes and understood the reason behind the weirdness. Then I remembered everything from yesterday. I sighed as I disconnected my phone from the charger and turned it on while walking toward the answering machine in the living room to check if Ellie had called yet. After a small beep, Ellie's voice filled the silent apartment. She said she would be home late this afternoon so I guess I'll be alone most of today, again. I walked to the kitchen to find myself anything to eat when it was your turn to fill my abode with your voice.

'Jo, where are you? Are you okay? I can't reach your mobile. Call me as soon as you can.' Your voice sounded urgent and before I could do anything, my mobile phone started announcing texts, a long string of them, as they started coming in.

'Jo, are you there? What's going on? Where are you?' It was you again on my answering machine. I read some of the texts that had just came in, there were about ten of them and all of them were from you asking where I am and if I'm alright.

I saw the icon for voicemail blinking and I was about to start listening to them when I heard your voice again from the answering machine.

'Jo, I'm coming over.'

I quickly dialed your number on my mobile, thinking of what to tell you while I wait to be connected. After the first ring, I heard your agitated voice and a horn sounding not too far from you.

"Jo, where are you? What happened? I'm on my way to your place now. Are you okay?"

"Mac, I'm okay. You don't have to come by. I'm sorry I planned to call you this morning to say that I hmm… not feeling well so I'm staying home today but I overslept. And my phone's battery's drained and I forgot to turn it on when I plugged it in. I'm really sorry." I said quickly in an attempt to stop you from coming to my house.

"God, Jo, I was worried about you. What's wrong, anyway?" You asked, and I can detect relief in your tone.

"I… hmm… have a splitting headache but nothing serious. Just that my head feels like it was about to burst open." I said, hoping that you'd buy my lame excuse.

"I'll take you to the hospital then. I'm already out the lab anyway, we'll just have you checked out make sure that…"

"No need, Mac. Thanks. I think it's just lack of sleep. Fatigue. I'll just sleep some more and come back tomorrow fresh and well-rested." I rudely cut you off but I had to do it. You can't see me like this.

"Are you sure?" You sounded doubtful and I have to convince you that I'm going to be okay.

"Yes. I'm sure. Thanks Mac." I said in the most upbeat tone I could summon, forcing myself to turn on that Southern charm I hope you could still fall victim for.

"Jo, is this about the shooting the other day?" You asked, and I thought it would be better if that was the reason why I was being like this. But of course, things for me would never be that easy.

"No, Mac, it's not. I'm just not feeling well. I'll just take the day off and rest and I'll be good as new by tomorrow." I assured you.

"How about I'll just send you some food? Chicken soup okay?"

Darn that stubbornness of yours, Mac. Under any other circumstances, I would be thrilled of what you're doing. I know you're concerned but I just want to be alone right now. Can't you take a hint that I'm avoiding you?

"No, Mac. Thank you, really, but I'm okay. I have plenty of food here. I really just want to take a long rest." I told you, feigning out a yawn hoping that you'd take the clue and end the call.

"I knew there was something wrong. You don't look okay to me yesterday. You're certain that you're going to be fine?" You asked, and I'm relieved that I could detect a hint of acceptance in your tone.

"Yes. I'm sure, Mac."

"Okay, just call if you need anything, you understand?"

"Thanks Mac." I said, thankful that I'd manage to stop you from coming over.

"Next time remember to turn on your phone, okay?" You said quite amusedly but also a little exasperatedly.

"Duly noted, sir." I said before attempting to chuckle.

* * *

As I stepped off the elevator, I ducked my head a little as if I could go to my office without anybody noticing me. True enough, I got to my desk without hearing anybody call my name. I had just turned on my computer when I heard your voice. With my back to the door, I shut my eyes briefly before plastering a wide smile on my face as I swiveled my chair to face you.

"Are you better now?" You asked, standing in my doorway, clutching two rather-thick folders in your hand.

"Yup. I just needed some rest." I replied, forcing myself to grin wider. I don't really care if I look like a fool. I just want you off my back.

"Good to know." You smiled a little, slightly nodded at me before you went back to your office.

I went through the day as if in a daze. I was working on auto-pilot, barely able to register what was happening around me unless it was a part of the case I was working on. I found myself looking at the time every hour or so, could not wait to get out of here and go back to the safety of my home, as if the lab which used to provide me warmth and comfort as if it was a second home to me was now burning my skin, roasting me alive. The lab got too warm for comfort and your presence did not offer any calm to me either.

"Jo!" I heard your voice again as I was waiting for the elevator and like this morning, I plastered a huge smile on my face again before I turned to look at you. It's time to go home, and I had thought that I could leave the lab without having to face you again. Clearly, I was wrong.

"We'll be having dinner at Christine's restaurant tomorrow as a celebration to our engagement. It should be tonight but the restaurant's all booked. I already told the rest. Don't forget, okay?" You said, your eyes twinkling and I could feel myself really smile at you, replacing the phony grin I'd put on earlier.

I said okay and you walked back to your office when the elevator opened its doors for me. It was only when I was already safely tucked inside the cold metal when my smile disappeared and was replaced by a frown instead. I felt like I'd just jeopardized myself when I agreed to go to that dinner tomorrow. It would be like torturing myself but I could not keep on giving you excuses because you surely would catch up on me.

As I lock myself inside my car, I reached for the stereo and turned it on hoping that the noise would drown out my thoughts. I hope Ellie's home and in a good mood. I want to hug her and maybe ask her to sleep with me tonight.

I feel so alone.

* * *

**How's the first chapter? Okay? Crappy? Delusional? Enjoyed it? :D Please let me know through that box below. Thank you very much for reading. I hope it wasn't too bad to scare you away. :D Oh, and thank you to Quille and csinyfan28 :D**


	2. Chapter 2

**From Chapter 1**

As I lock myself inside my car, I reached for the stereo and turned it on hoping that the noise would drown out my thoughts. I hope Ellie's home and in a good mood. I want to hug her and maybe ask her to sleep with me tonight.

I feel so alone.

**Chapter 2**

Jo opened her eyes and felt like her body was being weighed down with a huge rock. She had called Mac last night to tell him that she would take the night shift today as Ellie was home with flu although it was not quite the truth. While Ellie was really at home since she only had morning classes today, her trashing around until it looked like a tornado crashed into their place, looking for her favorite pair of socks, would prove that she was indeed very healthy. Mac had expressed something about the dinner but she'd told him that she's expecting Ellie to be okay today so she'd still attend the dinner, except if she had to respond to a crime scene, which she wished was exactly what would happen.

She was puttering around in their apartment when Tyler called to invite her to join him and Russ for lunch. Jo declined Tyler's invitation as she always had, limiting her interaction with her ex-husband to a bare minimum. After the divorce, Russ had promised to share at least a meal a week with his son as a form of bonding with him. And he had kept his word to Tyler since then, except when he had to go somewhere for an assignment but then he would always make it up to Tyler when he comes back.

After having their own lunch, Ellie immediately went to her bedroom to rush an assignment due tomorrow. Jo was loading the dishwasher when Tyler called again to ask her if she wanted to join him and Russ to see a movie and for the second time, she declined his invitation again. More often than not, Tyler would ask his mother to join him and his father for lunch or whatever it was that they were set to do but Jo knew it was really Russ who was asking Tyler to invite her. Tyler knew she won't, in a million years, go with them. But she also knew that Tyler did not have the heart to tell it to Russ. Sometimes though, she would wonder if somehow, her son was still hoping that his parents would get back together even after more than ten years of being divorced.

She could still remember when he was just a little boy, whenever Russ would come to pick him up, he would always ask him if he missed his mother and of course, Russ would say yes. Tyler's eyes would light up upon hearing his answer and would not leave the house until Russ places a kiss on her forehead or cheek. Eventually, as he grew older, he stopped pressuring Russ to kiss Jo and their goodbyes were reduced to a half-hearted wave of the hand. When Jo's father passed away, Russ was at her side. After the funeral, Russ placed a kiss on her forehead before he went back home. And in each sad, trying moments of her life, Russ would come, show his support, and kiss her forehead or the side of her head before he leaves. She had come to appreciate that small gesture from him, taking it as an assurance that whatever happens, he would always be there for her. Even after she started avoiding him when she realized he was really hoping that they would still get back together, he had shown support and concern for her when Ellie attempted to visit her biological mother without telling Jo and ended up witnessing a murder on the subway. That's when she knew that he still cared for her even after all these years.

When she was done loading the dishwasher, Jo went to her bedroom and tried to look for something to do. Her eyes fell to her huge collection of accessories sitting on a small side table and after a long while, with a heavy sigh nonetheless, decided to arrange everything by kind and by color. After an hour and a half, she finally finished rearranging her accessories and went out of her room to see if Ellie wanted to have some snack. When Ellie shook her head 'no', Jo went back to her room and sat at her vanity table that had stunning resemblance to her work desk at the lab. It was also full of neon-bright post-it notes.

'buy make up remover' Her scrawl said on a neon orange post-it.

'do laundry' Said the bright pink one.

'find favorite thumb ring!' Said the lime green sticky note.

'SMILE. You're strong.' Said the yellow one stuck at the very top of the vanity mirror. She had stuck it there a little more than half a year ago and recently, she would catch herself looking at it more and more often as if she constantly needed to be reminded of that fact before she faced the day and the challenges it would bring her.

Peeling her gaze from the yellow sticky note, Jo stared at her reflection and tried to smile. It proved to be difficult. She took her hairbrush from the vanity table and started running it through her shiny, dark brown hair and styled it in a way she knew would frame her face nicely. It was something she'd learned from her cheerleading days. She swallowed hard when she remembered the last time she'd thought of her hair perfectly framing her face. She continued staring at her own reflection in the mirror for a few minutes more, her hairbrush poised unmoving, its bristles resting against her shoulder through her hair. Finally, she returned the brush to its place and stood up to leave the suddenly-stuffy room.

_He would never take notice. _She thought sadly.

Ellie did not come out of her room until it was time for Jo to go to the lab. She'd prepared dinner for Ellie before she kissed her and went on her way. Mac had asked her to go directly to the restaurant but she did not want to be there and witness every single thing and planned to go there when it was almost time to eat. She knew her mother would have admonished her for throwing her manners away by coming late to a party, but she didn't care. She had to protect herself, too. She told Mac that she'd left some unfinished reports and would like to utilize her time before the dinner in tidying up loose ends on her reports. Mac agreed, albeit reluctantly, exactly as how Jo imagined he would react. She knew fully-well that he would not tolerate anybody, for whatever reason, delaying work and tasks that could be finished earlier and she played that card right.

* * *

Jo was about to leave for the restaurant when a dispatch call came through, followed by a call from Danny who was on night duty too, to ask her to wait for him as he was just around the block so that they could go to the crime scene together. She smiled at her luck as she pushed at the elevator button, could not be any happier to respond to a crime scene. When they got to the location which was a 15-minute drive away from the restaurant, her eyes briefly scanned the area looking for Don but then realized he must be at the dinner too. They were approached by another detective, presumably the person in–charge, and he started briefing them of the situation. Their crime scene was in a dimly-lit street where a man in his mid-thirties was robbed when he withdrew some cash from the ATM machine. They saw the victim, his face and arms black-and-blue, giving his statement to another police officer as they started walking toward the machine.

"Man, I'm starving! Why does this have to happen now?" Danny mumbled to Jo as they approach the ATM machine.

"Don't worry, I won't keep you from your food for too long. You can process the machine and I'll take the blood drops on the floor then you can go to the restaurant." Jo offered happily to Danny.

"It won't be fair." Danny said, taking out a small pot and an equally small brush from his kit.

"I insist. There's not much work to do here and I've had snack before I left my place. I got this." Jo insisted as she squatted down over a blood drop.

"Are you sure? Because I can just grab a snack from the vending machine…"

"I'm sure. Just finish that machine and go on your way." Jo smiled at him before taking a picture of the blood drop.

It had only taken them less than an hour to process the area and Danny, after thanking Jo profusely, hitched a ride from one of the squad cars which was on its way to the precinct. Jo was about to leave the crime scene herself when her eyes caught something shimmering by the gutter at the alley beside the ATM machine when she turned on her headlights. By this time, only a few Unis were standing by, waiting for her to leave the area before they go back to the precinct as well. The victim who was punched multiple times in the face and body was already sent to the hospital for medical exam and treatment. Jo got out of her car and walked back to the alley, her eyes trained on the shimmering object.

* * *

The white diamond shimmered under the soft lights of the restaurant as Christine shook the hands of their guests. It was just a small gathering, including only those who were closest to her and Mac, making this celebration a very intimate one. It had been two nights after he'd proposed to her when Mac went to her restaurant and presented the oval cut, white diamond on a platinum band engagement ring to her with a wide smile on his face. It was not actually the ring she'd imagined he would get her but then when he asked her if she liked it, she nodded before beaming at him as he wrapped his arms around her waist.

* * *

She was only a few steps away from the shimmering object when Jo noticed a shadow out of the corner of her eye. She took out her flashlight, her other hand resting lightly on her gun. She took a step toward the shadow when it suddenly moved away. She took out her gun and after peeking around the corner to make sure it was safe to round it, she continued walking briskly down the narrow path. It did not take too long for her to spot the shadow that was already running away from her and the man to whom it belonged to. He was lanky and was wearing a white shirt, black pants, and sneakers with red soles. He was the same man the victim, Brandon Clifford, had described to the policeman as the one who pointed a knife at him and demanded to give him the money he'd just withdrawn. Jo started running after him and immediately radioed in the situation, not taking her eyes off the suspect.

* * *

They had just driven half-way back to the precinct when something caught Danny's attention. The dispatch was stating a familiar location and it's only when it was repeated that Danny recognized the connection. He had just left that place less than ten minutes ago. He quickly asked to be sent back to the area, urging the Uni to drive faster.

* * *

"Stop! NYPD!" Jo shouted a little breathlessly. They had been running in the labyrinth of alleys for a few minutes now and after taking so many turns, she did not even have any idea where they were exactly.

Instead of stopping, Jo saw the suspect turn into another corner and as she run after him, about to round the corner herself, she heard a loud bang, followed by the sound of a bullet that pinged off the wall beside her. She ducked her head and risked a peek at the suspect but he was gone. She stood up as she radioed in that the suspect was armed and jogged her way to the only passage in front of her. It was dark in there, and the air was a mixture of spoiled food, urine, and vomit. But Jo barely noticed the putrid concoction. All that she was aware of was how her heart was beating wildly in her chest as she inched her way through the dark alleyway. She could not detect any movement but the big drums alongside the wall could hide the suspect perfectly away from her sight. She took a few steps more toward the lit street at the end of the alley and was almost out of the dingy back street when a figure suddenly stood up from one of the large garbage crate and faced her. With the help from a street lamp, she could see his outstretched hand, pointing a gun at her.

"Don't move." The man told her. His voice was low and cold but Jo could sense agitation in his tone.

"NYPD. Drop your gun." Jo said, trying to gauge her control of the situation, her own gun trained at the man whose face was obscured by their dark surrounding. She gave a quick glance at the well-lit street behind the man and wished that he would take a couple of steps back so that the street lamp could at least cast a little light on him, making her see his face.

* * *

The toned-down lights in the restaurant were not able to conceal the happiness glowing on Mac's face as their friends and her family gave them an engagement toast. He looked around them and saw that most of their guests tonight were Christine's family, and somehow felt a tugging at his heart when he realized the only 'family' he had here was his team. His eyes sought out a big, round table where his 'family' was huddled together and although it was a little bit sad that his family could only be summarized in one round table, he was happy that they'd been together for years and had only grown fonder of each other over time. He looked at each member of his team with a small smile on his lips to let them know that he appreciated their presences tonight. When he was done making eye contact with them, he frowned. They're incomplete. He scanned them once again as if performing a mental roll call, wanting to know who was missing on their table. _Danny and Jo._ Before he could do anything else, Lindsay caught his eyes and mouthed 'crime scene' to him. He nodded at her.

* * *

The suspect did not say anything for a short while but did not move an inch too. Jo wondered if there was anybody at all who was trying to locate her after that radio call she'd made because she hadn't seen or heard anybody else except for the two of them. After a few more seconds, Jo's radio cackled and as if taken out of a trance, the man started speaking in a shaky voice.

"Okay, please… please let me go. I'm not a bad person. I… I just needed the money. My daughter's sick. She's just four and I… I got fired when I dropped the tray… I'm a busboy and… I was just too tired. I've been working double shifts and I work at a gasoline station after. My hand shook and I dropped the tray… I need the money. Please. Let me go. It's for my baby."

Jo subtly glanced at the wall on her left and saw that the suspect's hand, the one that's holding the gun was shaking. She then knew that he was not lying to her. He's an amateur, and this must really be the only time he did this. She took a deep breath to calm herself down, making her heartbeat slow down a little.

"Why did you go back to the crime scene?" She asked, trying to get him to open up more and eventually appeal to him to surrender.

"I went back to look for my daughter's necklace. It was given to her by my mother. She loves it so much. When she learned that I'm looking for a job, she gave it to me. For luck."

Jo saw the gun being lowered down a little. She knew his talking about his daughter was making him less cold, less apathetic. She tried to keep him talking about his daughter.

"She's sweet." Jo said, taking a tiny step forward.

"She is. She's the sweetest girl I've ever seen." The suspect said, his head turned slightly away from Jo, letting her on to the fact that his mind was not in this dank place anymore. It was now with his daughter, thinking of his sweet child.

* * *

Danny got out of the squad car and raced to the alleyway beside the ATM machine that he had just processed a while ago. He knew that a few policemen were already trying to locate Jo and the suspect but then nobody had found them yet. When he rounded another corner, the third this time, he asked a Uni to provide him information about the area. Time is of the essence and Jo was alone chasing a suspect. He needed to know what was surrounding this maze of alleys and side streets.

* * *

"Give me your gun, come on. You don't want to do this." Jo cajoled, her voice soft and low as if she was talking to a little child instead of a grown up man who had just beaten up someone, took their money, and was now holding a gun that was pointed somewhere at her legs.

"What you want to do is to go home to your child. To cuddle her in your arms. To kiss her and let her kiss you back. You want to see that angelic face that keeps you fighting in life." Jo added, too familiar of these kinds of longing, herself.

Jo saw the man's shoulders drooped, his gun now pointed at the ground. She knew she was already near the goal. He was about to give up. All that she had to do was to push a little more. She opened her mouth to say something more about his daughter when she heard a siren coming from her right, growing louder and louder, announcing that it was getting nearer to them.

Jo's eyes immediately darted to the man still standing in front of her and wished that he was too absorbed in his own thoughts that he would not notice the nearing sound of the siren. Her breath stalled in her chest though when she saw the man flinched and quickly turned his head to his right, then to his left, trying to locate the source of the loud siren. She saw him take a few steps back, his actions more nervous, more disturbed. When he faced her again, she shuddered at the steely gaze he gave her, his expression grave. Gone was the father who was longing to be hugged and kissed by her daughter. He was now replaced by the robber who pointed a knife at someone to take his money and beat him up after.

Jo's heart started pumping intensely again, her hand gripping hard on her gun. The suspect shifted his footing and the street lamp cast a low light on his head. Half of his face was still being hidden in the dark but the glow of the lamp was enough for Jo to see that the man who was training his gun on her with a deathly stare in his eyes was barely older than Tyler. Then a disturbing image flashed fleetingly in her mind: Danny. Squatted over a body. Patted it. No gun. Then Lindsay. Reaching inside the mailbox. A gun.

* * *

Christine stood up and walked over to the bar. When she came back, Mac took the bottle of champagne from her hands and started removing the foil. He laughed at the joke dropped by Adam as he started on the metal loop. He smiled at Christine when she handed a kitchen towel to him after he'd loosen the metal cage around the cork. He then proceeded to slowly turn the bottle back and forth in his hands until the cork was almost out of the bottle.

* * *

The Uni he was with told Danny that a squad car had located the suspect and he appeared to be talking to somebody in the alley but it was too dark to tell who he was talking to. He was told that the suspect was pointing a gun to whoever it was that he was talking to and he appeared to be disturbed and anxious. Danny immediately sprung into action and ran to the direction of where the suspect was spotted, after being advised on which way to take to make them arrive there faster.

* * *

Mac pointed the bottle to a corner where nobody was sitting and smiled just as everybody clapped their hands and whooped in delight when they finally heard the loud

**POP!**

* * *

Danny rounded yet another corner, his breath coming out in short bursts but felt his heart stopped when he heard a loud

**BANG!**

Then another

**BANG!**

* * *

**I'd like to thank all of you for reading, following, favorite-ing, and reviewing this fic. Of the few fics that I'd written since I joined this site, it's with this fic that I felt the most heartwarming support that I got. Again, thank you very very much! Most especially to the amazing ladies who pushed me to continue, you guys know who you are, thank you so much!**

**As always, please don't forget to review this chapter, I'd love to hear from you. :D**


	3. Chapter 3

**From Chapter 2**

Danny rounded yet another corner, his breath coming out in short bursts but felt his heart stopped when he heard a loud

**BANG!**

Then another

**BANG!**

**Chapter 3**

The last time was about a year ago.

I also went there in confidence, thinking that everything would just happen smoothly. I've had never expected that it would turn out that ugly. I've had never thought that the seemingly so peaceful apartment was hiding a monster.

John Curtis.

I could still remember the taste of blood in my mouth. I could still remember how my throat had constricted as I coughed out more blood. I could still remember how he'd stood over me, death in his eyes. And I could still remember how I had thought of my children.

I came here tonight thinking only of how lucky I was to be called in just as what I had wished would happen. How lucky I was to be able to prevent hurting myself by sitting in the restaurant as you and her look lovingly into each other and maybe share a kiss or two. Now I'm not sure if I was indeed lucky. I guess 'be careful of what you wish for' was the best way to summarize my predicament. The man lying lifelessly on the ground just a few feet away from me was not a monster. He was just a desperate father trying to save his daughter. He panicked when he heard the siren and it made him lose his self control. And I had to suffer because of that but I knew his daughter would suffer more.

When I'd received the call for this crime scene earlier, I had thought that heaven heard my plea. I just hope that it would hear my plea again this time. Tyler would be out of college soon and I would like to be there on his graduation, beaming like a proud mother would do. Ellie was barely out of high school. She still had a long way to go and she would need me still.

My phone's ringing but my side ached when I reached for it. I tried harder, making the blood soak my shirt more, because I knew it was Tyler calling. It was the tone I'd assigned to his number. Finally, my hand brushed against the cell phone and wincing, I took it out of my pocket. After inhaling deeply, causing my side to ache once more, I answered his call.

"Mom, I bought you something from the mall earlier and I'd like to give it to you now. Ellie said you're at the lab, can we… dad and I, drop by?" Said his cheerful tone on the other line.

I opened my mouth to say 'yes', but my mouth won't form the word. Instead, I coughed weakly on the phone.

"Mom? Are you alright? Is that a siren?" Tyler asked, his tone taking up a worried pitch.

"Ty…-ler." I forced myself to say but then I had to stop because I had to cough. It was like having a fork scratching on my throat. I could hear the tensed voices surrounding me. I could see the blinking lights of red and blue. Then I heard a familiar voice calling my name.

"Jo? Jo, are you al-… Jo! You're shot!" It was Danny. He shouted for someone to call an ambulance to which that person assured him that one was already on its way.

Everything around me was hazy and there were some conversations going on in the distance that I could not understand, as if they were coming from a well somewhere, but Danny's concerned voice was loud and clear. He took my phone away from me and through droopy eyes, I saw him glance at the name on the screen before he put the phone to his ear.

I heard another loud noise somewhere near and it drowned out Danny's voice. I want to know what he was telling Tyler and I tried to ask him not to tell my son that I got shot but then I felt too weak to even open my mouth. A man came into my view. I could not recognize him. He was telling me something but all that I understood was 'feeling', 'shot', 'hospital'. The man put on something on me. An oxygen mask. Then I felt myself being lifted and then laid down again. I was looking up at the sky. It was dark, navy blue, and then I saw a couple of stars, sparsely spread throughout the vast, infinite space over me. Suddenly, the dark sky was replaced by a very bright ceiling. I looked around and guessed that I might be in an ambulance.

Danny sat in the ambulance also, towering over me as I lay still on the gurney, a phone in his hand.

I lifted up my shaking hand, trying to remove the mask from my face. Danny saw what I was trying to do and stopped my hand. I pointed at the phone in his hand instead, wanting to know if Tyler was still on the line. As if understanding what I was trying to tell him with my eyes, he positioned the phone in my direct line of sight and I realized it was not my phone that he was holding anymore. My eyes focused on the screen, squinting to read it clearly. I quickly looked at him when I saw the highlighted name on his phonebook, and shook my head frantically at him, making the bright lights above me spin. He looked at me quizzically, not understanding what I was trying to say.

_Don't call Mac._ I wanted to say. My head's spinning too much now and I shut my eyes, hoping that it would stop the dizziness.

"I'm just calling Mac to let him know what happened." I heard Danny said.

I opened my eyes and looked at him. Heaving a deep breath, I moved my hand and tried to lift the oxygen mask up from my face once again, much to the chagrin of the paramedic personnel sitting beside Danny.

"No." I croaked before trying to fill my lungs with air again.

"Ma'am, please put back your mask." Said the paramedic personnel in a stern voice, an annoyed expression on his face.

I ignored him and stared at Danny instead.

"En-…gage-…ment" I stuttered, gulping some more air.

Danny appeared to be deep in thoughts, as if debating whether he should still continue calling you.

"I'm… fine." I added, even though my lungs felt like they were collapsing and I could see white spots starting to dance before my eyes.

"Ma'am, you really have to put back that mask. Now." The paramedic personnel reached out toward the mask in my hand but I fixed him with a glare.

"He's… off-… du-…ty." I had forced out before the stronger hand of the paramedic returned the mask in its proper position.

Then I thought someone was covering my eyes because all of a sudden, I could see nothing. The very bright lights on the ceiling earlier suddenly disappeared and my whole surrounding was plunged into darkness. My chest felt heavy and I struggled to breathe. But it was so difficult even to take in a single breath and I felt so dizzy and… nau-…seous… and…

* * *

I slammed on my brakes just in time to stop the car from hitting a motorcycle that came out from nowhere. He gave me the finger and I could have gotten out of my car and show him my badge but I'd got no time for him. All I want was to get to you as soon as I could. He swore at me before he went on his way, leaving skid marks on the road. I gripped at the steering wheel tightly, praying He keep you safe. You see, I seldom did that. To pray. Not that I did not believe in Him, but when that tragic day of my life happened, I guess I had questioned Him then. I could not understand why that day should happen at all. I'd blamed him a little, but then I'd blamed myself too. When I'd finally accepted the reality of my life, I stopped blaming Him. But I continued blaming myself. And now I'm praying to Him, hoping that He would not turn a deaf ear this time around. He did not listen to me when I'd asked Him to change your mind and not to continue with the divorce. But I hope He would listen to me now and keep you safe, protect you from harm. I risked a glance at Tyler who was sitting silently in the passenger's side, his eyes fixed on the road. He appeared calm and composed but I could see the silent tears that were falling from his eyes. He would always remind me how great a mother you were because my son, _our_ son, had grown into one fine man: brave and strong but with a heart not made of stone.

* * *

"Hey man, what's taking you and Jo so long to come over? The food's almost…" Lindsay turned to face Don when she realized it must be Danny he was talking to on the phone. She wondered why Danny called Don instead of her but did not say anything when she heard Don stopped mid-sentence, his face a canvas of distress and discomfort. His eyes darted at Mac who was smiling at something Christine's uncle was saying animatedly at him. After a while, a few nodding, and grunts as answers, a pale Don ended the call, his eyes bleak, and not meeting anybody's gaze.

"Don, what is it?" Lindsay asked, scared that something bad might had happened to Danny and he did not want to let his pregnant wife know.

Don glanced at her before his eyes returned to Mac, not saying anything.

"Don, was it Danny? Did anything happen to him?" Lindsay pressed, anxiety starting to creep up on her.

Hearing Lindsay's worried inquiry, the whole team's attention was now turned to Don, except for Mac, who was seated beside Christine, three whole tables away from them.

"No, Lindsay. Danny's fine." Don answered, looking at her, before looking at Mac again.

"It's Mac's engagement party. And technically, he's off-duty." Don said, meeting everybody's gazes. "She asked not to let him know yet." He added in a lower voice, as if afraid that the music and clatter in the restaurant won't be able to mask his words.

"What are you trying to say, Don? Who were she and him?" Sheldon asked, curious as to why Don was speaking cryptically.

"It was Jo." Don said, his eyes trained on Mac. "She was shot." He added softly.

Lindsay gasped quite audibly but it was not loud enough to be heard three tables far. Sid frowned at what Don had just said while Adam stared at Don, dumbfounded.

"How is she doing?" Sid asked, afraid of what he might hear. Don not going into details at once was worrying him. He could have already said she was okay and not to worry about her but he did not.

"Danny called from the ambulance. She'd just fallen unconscious." Don said, looking at the assorted flowers as centerpiece on their table. They were all in full bloom, except for one blue rose that was squished on one side. It appeared to be crushed by the amount of flowers on that tiny bowl but Don was amazed on how its color seemed to still be the brightest of the bunch.

Sid shook his head slowly as he exhaled, thinking if he could go to the hospital right now without catching Mac's attention.

"She did not want to let Mac know that she was shot?" Sheldon asked again, confuse of why Jo would ask such thing.

"Engagement party. She didn't want to ruin it." Don answered, taking a swig from his glass of water.

"But we couldn't hide it from him." Lindsay said, her eyes wide in disbelief when it dawned on her that Don was actually planning on fulfilling Jo's request.

"At least for now. Technically, he's off-duty. We could tell him tomorrow." Don said, his voice coming out weaker than he intended it to be.

When nobody said anything, he looked around the table and saw understanding on each and every faces. They knew how hard Mac worked and all of them had been worried about him at one point or another. For the longest time, he had been alone and with just a couple of relationships that lasted only fleetingly, they had always wondered if this day would ever come at all. At last, today came and the thought of taking this happy event from him just felt so wrong. But they also knew that he would not appreciate being kept in the dark.

"We'll be dead if he finds out we hid it from him." Adam voiced out what everybody else was thinking.

"But how do we break the news to him, seeing him that happy?" Lindsay asked, nodding to Mac's direction.

For a moment, nobody said anything. Then Don sat up straight and with a slightly more determined voice, decided on what they should do.

"Jo's condition was still sketchy. I say we wait what the doctors would say and decide if we let Mac know tonight or tomorrow, depending on her condition."

"I suppose we could do that." Adam was the first to break the silence that had stretched longer than what's comfortable, although it was clear in his voice that he agreed with Don's decision quite reluctantly.

"Yeah" The rest of them mumbled one after the other, obviously not convinced of the decision they had just made.

* * *

He bent down to pick up the table napkin Christine's little niece had dropped to the floor, when he looked at their table upon standing up. He frowned when he noticed the hushed conversation going on, each one of them whispering nervously to each other, their faces a mixture of fear, worry, and uneasiness. Something was clearly going on and yet nobody had approached him to tell him what. He folded the table napkin and placed it on one of the bar stools before walking toward his team's table.

"What's going on here?" He asked as he neared them, noticing how Adam and Lindsay jumped at his voice, Don paled, Sid coughed, and Sheldon stared down at his plate.

"Where are Danny and Jo?" He asked again when nobody answered his first question.

"Uhhh… they are not yet done. The suspect was shot dead when he tried to escape." Don answered vaguely, making him doubt his answer.

"And?" He pushed, letting them know that he was not about to stop his questioning until they tell him what's really going on. This is the team he had been with for the longest time, after all. He knew them very well and he knew that they were hiding something from him now. It was what bothered him the most. They never hide anything from him. And he feared of what it might be and why they did not want him to know.

Adam moved and he thought he would tell him what was happening but was disappointed when he realized he was reaching for his water. He noticed his shaking hand and frowned but before he could say anything else, he heard Don's voice offering him some answer.

"The robber came back to the crime scene to get something but Jo saw him" Adam's glass clinked against Lindsay's, making Don pause, just as Lindsay's hand flew up to steady her teetering glass.

Don cleared his throat making Mac look at him again.

"…and then the Unis ran after him. When they found him, he was training his gun at someone and when he won't put down his weapon and was about to pull the trigger, they shot him dead." Don finished, leaning back on his seat, his disposition tense and rigid.

Mac stood unmoving, his eyes scanning each CSIs faces, reading into their actions, his mind repeating and analyzing Don's narration.

"To whom was the suspect training his gun? Was anybody hurt?" He finally asked upon realizing the possible reason why they were being careful of what to tell him.

When nobody answered him immediately, he asked again.

"Was anybody hurt?" His tone firmer and a little bit louder now. He noticed the way they all glanced at each other, subtly and nervously.

"Is Danny alright?" He asked, his eyes immediately falling on Lindsay. But she was not acting like Danny was shot. In fact, if he was, Mac believed that Lindsay should have already gone to her husband's side. Right after that thought crossed his mind, another intrusive thought came crashing onto him. His heart pounded with such force that he thought it might crush his ribcage.

"It's Jo." He finally said, but only a whisper came out of his mouth.

"It's Jo. She's shot, am I right?" He tried again, looking around the table. "Adam?"

Adam looked up at him and he saw cold fear in his eyes. And in that instant, he felt sick to his stomach. That look in Adam's eyes was enough to let him know that he was right. But it went straight, and with too much force, to his gut when Adam let his voice be heard.

"Yes. But uhh… she asked Danny not to tell you. It was what she last said before she uhhh… fell unconscious." Adam said restlessly, his eyes never meeting his.

Without wasting any more time, he walked briskly toward the door but stopped when he heard Christine's voice calling him. He turned around just as she halted beside him.

"Christine, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry but I have to go. Jo was shot and…" He did not even know how to continue his sentence as he did not have any idea what her condition was.

"I'm sorry." He said instead and was about to turn toward the door again but he felt her hand on his.

"I understand, Mac. But it's our engagement party. My family's here. Couldn't you ask somebody else to go there instead and just update you of what's happening?" She asked, staring intently in his eyes.

Her eyes spoke of annoyance, adjuration, hope, and later on, defeat, each expression coming to replace the other with each breath that she took without hearing a response from him. And he felt guilty for leaving her alone to face all of their guests but he had no other choice. He did not want to ask somebody to go instead of him. He wanted to be there personally. He wanted to make sure that Jo would be fine. She was his responsibility. She was part of his team.

"I'm really sorry Christine but I can't do that. Please tell your family that I'm really sorry." With that, he gently released his hand from her hold and went out of the restaurant.

_I want to be there with her._ He thought glumly as he jumped into his car and floored the gas.

* * *

I just got off the phone with Danny. He said you regained consciousness half a block away from the hospital but you were hallucinating, talking about a necklace and someone's daughter. He said you slipped into unconsciousness again when they unloaded you from the ambulance and nobody had told him anything yet since. I had sped away from the restaurant minutes ago and although the hospital could not be that far from the restaurant it felt so far away from me. I felt like I'd been driving forever and yet I still could not see even its façade.

After I saw the tear you shed when I broke the news to you the other day, I'd thought of how our friendship had deteriorated over time. I appreciated the fact that you're happy for me and that's what made me feel guiltier. I'd summoned to mind again what Tim used to tell his girlfriend. 'Today is life. Make the most of today.' And I had since decided that I should make it up to you. I want to bring back the kind of relationship that we used to share, and start doing it immediately, not wanting to waste any more time. That was why I asked you to grab a burger with me that night when the plan to celebrate with the team fell through. I had planned on bringing back the things that we used to do together. And that was also why I felt disappointed when you turned me down, I'm just not sure if I was able to hide it from you.

When you were suffering from that terrible headache, I could still remember very vividly how when I'd offered to bring you to the hospital, you cut me off and I was taken aback. I couldn't seem to remember if you'd done that to me in the past but at that very moment, it was like a blade cutting into my flesh. I was just trying to mend the very thing that we had that I'd almost severed but it was as if you could not see my efforts.

I had offered to bring you something to eat instead but you declined me too. I had thought that it might be the opportunity for me to start bringing back the kind of friendship we used to have, wanting to take care of you in return as how you'd been taking care of me ever since. It hurt a bit when you subtly told me that you didn't want me in your apartment. I caught that underlying meaning of your words, Jo. Then, I had thought if that's how you felt too when I'd pushed you away before. And I had wondered of how much had I hurt you in the past.

I just want to make the most out of everyday and patching things up with you was part of it. But you kept on pushing me away. And now I don't even know if I would still be given that chance. You have to hold on, Jo. Don't rob me of the chance to redeem myself and to show you how much you mean to me.

Don't give up, Jo.

Not now.

Not ever.

* * *

**Hope I didn't disappoint with this chapter :)**

**Again, you might already be sick of reading the same thing over and over but still I'll say it time and again: THANK YOU VERY MUCH to all of you. I'm just very grateful for all kinds of support that you're giving me. Thank you! :D**

**Of course, also a staple line at the end of my chapters - please don't forget to review :D Thanks! :D**


	4. Chapter 4

**From Chapter 3**

I just want to make the most out of everyday and patching things up with you was part of it. But you kept on pushing me away. And now I don't even know if I would still be given that chance. You have to hold on, Jo. Don't rob me of the chance to redeem myself and to show you how much you mean to me.

Don't give up, Jo.

Not now.

Not ever.

**Chapter 4**

"Detective Taylor! How's my mom?"

Mac turned around upon hearing Tyler's strained voice. He had just reached the hospital himself and was almost jogging toward the Operating Room when Tyler saw him as he entered from the other side of the hospital.

"Tyler. I don't know yet, actually. I just got here too. But I believe she's still in the O.R." Mac said, pausing to wait for Tyler to reach him before starting to jog again.

After what felt like an endless white strip of blankness, they finally reached the waiting area outside the Operating Room.

"Danny, how's Jo?" Mac asked the CSI who was sitting on a chair, bowed down, his head on his hands.

Danny's head shot up when he heard Mac's voice.

"I don't know yet, Mac. The doctor hasn't come out yet and the nurses won't tell me anything."

Danny noticed Tyler beside his boss and stood up to give him his mother's phone.

"This is your mom's." Danny simply said to the young man who was trying hard to control his emotions.

Mac was just about to ask what exactly happened at the crime scene but he stood inert when he saw the tall figure striding hastily toward them, his face contorted into an expression that Mac could only describe as a cross between alarm and torment.

"Detective Taylor, how's Jo doing?" Russ asked as soon as he got near where Mac, Danny, and Tyler were standing.

For a second, Mac was struck by the intensity of the perturbed look on Russ' face now that he was nearer, that he was not able to give an answer immediately. When he got his composure back, he told him the same thing that Danny told him, but this time, when he admitted yet again that he didn't know anything about Jo's condition, he felt inadequate. He was supposed to be on top of everything, overlooking each and every details of their work but Jo was shot and he did not know how she was coping, not even how it happened. Dwarfed by such thoughts, Mac looked away from Russ, just as the rest of the team arrived, each one asking the same question Mac had just answered. He was just relieved that they were directing their questions to Danny, knowing that Mac was not even at the crime scene when the shooting happened. And just as this thought came to his mind, he felt guilt clawing up on him again as his mind projected an image of him smiling and laughing while Jo was running after the suspect. Then he involuntarily thought of another image of him accepting toasts and greetings, wining and dining, when Jo was being trained with a gun and eventually shot.

He was only taken out of his reverie when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up to see to whom the hand belonged to and saw Sid standing a step behind him, concerned look in his eyes.

"Are you okay, Mac?" Sid's gentle voice asked him.

Mac nodded at Sid, assured him that he was fine before turning his attention back to Danny. He asked Danny to tell him what happened at the crime scene but given that he was also not there during the shooting, he offered just a small, sketchy detail of what he was told happened.

"Mac, in the ambulance, Jo kept on repeating the words 'necklace' and 'his daughter'. The Unis said that Jo was already in her car about to drive away when she got out of it and walked toward the alley beside the ATM machine. Maybe we'd find something there?" Danny asked, hoping that he could find out what caused Jo this quandary.

"Okay, you and Don go back there, find whatever it was that Jo went back for. Adam, find out if the perp had a daughter and everything else that you can dig about him." Mac said, his mind working as the head of the crime lab, pushing aside his personal thoughts.

Danny handed a piece of paper to Mac before he left, mumbling something about knowing nothing. Mac just accepted the paper without glancing at it and continued where he left off.

"Tyler, does Ellie already know about what happened?" Mac asked gently, his tone lowering considerably, looking at Tyler first before looking at Russ.

"No, Detective. Not yet." Tyler said, quite unsure of what to do. He wanted to go fetch his sister and bring her to the hospital but then he did not want to leave Jo, too.

As if he could read Tyler's mind, and assuming that Russ would not want to leave the hospital neither, Mac asked if it would be okay for Lindsay to go to their apartment and bring Ellie here. Tyler looked at Russ, wanting to make sure that Russ agreed also.

"That would be very helpful. Are you sure you don't mind?" Russ looked at Mac first before looking at Lindsay.

"Of course not, I'd be happy to be of help." Lindsay said, offering a small smile to Russ and Tyler.

"Thank you very much." Russ acknowledged. He went near his son who was now staring at Jo's phone in his hands.

"Okay, son?" Russ asked as he lightly clapped Tyler's shoulder.

Tyler only barely nodded at him without looking up. Russ leaned back on the wall, refusing to sit down. He wanted to go inside the room where he knew Jo was being operated on, wanting to go near her, wanting to hold her hand, to tell her to fight, ultimately, he just wanted to be beside her. But he knew he won't be allowed to go in. He shut his eyes and clenched his jaw as an unwelcome image of Jo, bloodied, grasping for air, came to mind. He then heaved a long breath before he let it out heavily and opened his eyes again. There was nothing left to do but to wait.

When there was nothing more left to do for him, Mac turned his attention to the paper Danny had handed him and frowned. It was an Admission Form and he saw that Danny had filled up only a couple of fields but the rest were blank. He took out a pen from his suit pocket and walked over to a nurses' station a couple of steps away from the waiting area where he could fill out the form comfortably.

Danny had filled out the Date, Patient's First Name and Surname, but the rest were blank. Mac stared at the form, his pen poised in the air, his frown getting deeper and deeper. He knew her first name's Josephine but he was not sure if she even had a middle name. He did not know of her mother's maiden name either. And he had no idea when was her birthday. He knew her address but he was not sure of the room number. He realized he did not even know her blood type or her allergy history. After staring at the form for a few more minutes without adding anything on what Danny had already written, with an exasperated sigh, he took the form and walked back to the waiting area. With heavy steps, he approached Russ and handed him Jo's Admission Form. Russ accepted the form and walked toward the nurses' station just as Mac did and pulled out a pen from his suit pocket. Mac sat down between Sheldon and Sid and watched Russ as he filled out the form with such ease as if filling out Jo's information sheet was part of his day to day routine. Even before Russ could finish the whole form, Mac looked down and stared at his intertwined hands instead, realizing how less he knew about Jo.

* * *

"I don't understand man, how can such a beautiful night, the one supposed to be a happy event turn into a nightmare?" Don asked Danny as they drove back to the crime scene.

When Mac left the restaurant, they were all still astounded by what had just happened that they were not able to leave right after him. The look on Christine's face when Mac went out the door, and the look on her family's faces, made them pause and think for a second if it would be rude to just leave the restaurant. Don was the first one who stood up from the table, followed by Sheldon, and then the rest of them stood up as well and moved toward the door. Lindsay was the one who approached Christine, congratulated her and apologized again before they all left the restaurant. By the time they got to the two more Avalanches parked outside the restaurant, Mac's car was nowhere to be seen.

"I feel so bad. I was complaining to her about how hungry I was and Jo being Jo, she told me to leave her after processing the machine so that I could go to the restaurant earlier. I shouldn't have left her there." Danny said frowning, looking out the window. The guilt was just too overpowering that he was blaming himself for what happened to Jo.

"Hey, nobody knew that the perp's still there. Nobody could have expected what happened." Don said, catching the blame Danny's tone was indicating.

Danny just merely nodded his head but he could not shake the feeling that things might have ended up differently if he did not leave Jo in the crime scene. He just wished that Jo would be out of harm's way and recuperate quickly otherwise, he didn't know how he could go on living with guilt shadowing his every day.

* * *

'…_I'm your new crime scene investigator, and this young woman is dead…' _your finger pointing down to a corpse beside you.

That was how we met. Definitely, not one I would ever forget. And then I stood there shouting at the lab techs, my blood pressure at its boiling point, but then you dropped a short, simple joke and my strict façade went down the drain, my anger dissipated and what's worse was I smiled at you. Well, a version of my smile, at least. And then you got me into talking how we 'welcome' a newcomer, right in front of the victim's body that's lying in my lab. And then as if it's not enough, and I think this was the worse, you got me to crack a joke right in the middle of an investigation, right in front of a dead body. You know, I never did that. I never joked around while processing a crime scene; I never joke around, period. Especially if the crime scene was in my own lab. You know what my reaction could have been? Push everybody to work harder to find out who the perp was, no joking, no fooling around, no smiling even. But… yeah, I guess you're… I don't know… different…

I kept on sighing since I sat down on this chair, waiting for the doctor to come out of the O.R. What's taking him so long anyway? Was this how you felt when I was shot, too? Because this kind of waiting was killing me. And of course I don't think I should remind you that I was never a patient person, right? How about this, Jo, you stop giving the doctors and nurses a hard time on working on you and just come out of there as healthy and alive as ever and I'd tell you jokes upon jokes no matter how corny I might sound to you. Deal? Just… just come out of there alive and well… Please…

* * *

"Jo Danville?" A man in his fifties, wearing a scrub, came out of the O.R and looked around the waiting area, a nurse with a clipboard in her hand beside him.

Mac jumped out of his chair and walked briskly to the doctor, just as Tyler, Sheldon, Sid and Russ did as well.

"I'm Detective Mac Taylor; head of the crime lab, Jo Danville's my assistant supervisor." Mac told the doctor in rapid succession as if racing with time. He did not notice Russ' gaping mouth and was not aware that he had just interrupted him.

"No family member here?" The doctor asked, looking at the other four men in front of him.

"I'm Tyler, her son." Tyler said and gestured to his father.

"I'm her husband, FBI Agent Russ Josephson."

Mac's head immediately turned toward Russ just as the doctor did. The nurse checked something on her clipboard and looked up to Russ.

"Husband? But Detective Jo…" The nurse's forehead scrunched up as she double checked her clipboard.

"We… uhhh… divorced." Russ said the last word almost inaudibly, looking down.

"Okay, then I'd like to tell you that Detective Danville was out of danger. She suffered a bullet wound in the side of her abdomen but she's lucky that the bullet did not enter her abdominal cavity. It went through the skin, passed through the muscles but never entered the cavity. She's lost quite a lot of blood but we were able to give her a transfusion. We still have to keep an eye on possible infections but as of the moment, she's safe. We put her to sleep before we dislodged the bullet and then pain medications would be administered when she wakes up. Moving around would be difficult for her so bed rest is advised at least for a couple of weeks. But strenuous movements like running are impossible at least for three months or so. She'd be transferred to a regular room later and you can see her then." The doctor explained lengthily, alternating his gaze among the men around him.

When the doctor left them, Russ embraced Tyler tightly, both of them relieved that Jo was safe. Tyler wiped at the tear that had escaped his eye when his father released him but another tear rolled down his other eye. Sheldon clapped Mac's shoulder just as he released his breath that he had been holding since the doctor started explaining Jo's condition to them. Sid pulled Mac into an embrace, before stepping back intending to call Danny and inform him of the good news as Sheldon brought out his phone to call Adam.

"Tyler?" Ellie's fearful voice captured the attention of the five men. Lindsay was standing beside Ellie, her eyes wandering from one man's face to the other. She could not figure out either if the hugs were to comfort each other from grief or an act of relief that the worst was over.

Tyler stood up and opened his arms for his sister.

"Mama's safe now, Ellie." He said smiling at her.

Ellie went in to her brother's embrace and clutched at him tightly, her tears soaking his jacket. After a few minutes, Ellie leaned away and wiping at her tears, asked if she could see Jo. When Tyler explained to her that they could not see Jo yet, she sat down on a chair and waited with the rest of them.

Sid felt the heaviness of his eyelids, telling him that he had to go home and take his rest. Although he had planned on at least see Jo transferred to a regular room, his body felt so tired that he was forced to tell Mac that he was going home. He bid Jo's kids and Russ a goodnight and told Sheldon to call him if there'd be any developments about Jo. Mac told Lindsay to go home as well as it was already almost 2AM and Lindsay was on duty the morning before. After much reluctance, Lindsay finally gave in and went home too, asking Mac to call her also if ever they needed anything.

After a while, Ellie stood up from where she was sitting only to sit down again, beside Mac.

"Ellie, are you okay? Do you need anything?" Mac asked her, wondering why she sat beside him instead of Tyler.

"I'm worried about mom but I'm fine." Ellie said in a soft voice.

Mac nodded at her and waited for what she would say next. He could still remember how Jo had told him before that Ellie was seldom shy to say what she wants and not. And if he read her correctly, he knew that Ellie would not come sit beside him without anything to say. But just like her mother, she had to be prepared before she would start talking on her own accord, not appreciating anyone to push her to talk when she's not yet ready.

After a few deep breaths, Mac heard Ellie's soft voice again.

"Detective Taylor, what happened? Why was my mother shot?" Ellie asked tentatively, unsure if she was ready to hear the story, only that she wanted to know what happened.

Mac could hint something from the way Ellie posed her question but not knowing what she was driving at, started narrating to Ellie what Danny had narrated to him earlier. At one point, Ellie apologized as she interrupted him.

"So you mean you were not there with her?" Ellie asked, her dark eyes reflecting sudden realization.

"No, Ellie. I'm sorry." Mac said, wondering what was going on in Ellie's mind.

"Figures." Ellie mumbled, but loud enough for Mac to hear.

"Come again?" Mac said, confused of what was going on.

"Well mom would always tell me not to worry about her." Ellie said, her hand gripping on the edge of her seat. "She said you'd not let anything happen to her." She added, looking up to Mac.

Mac stared at Ellie dumbfounded. He should be happy that it was how Jo perceived him to be. It could only mean that he's a responsible boss. But what Ellie had just said only made him feel ashamed and unworthy of such praise.

Ellie stood up and went back to where she was sitting earlier. And Mac faced ahead, staring at nothing, his face blank. But inside, he was curling up in a ball, wanting to hide from everybody, especially from Jo. He'd let her down. She trusted him but he let her down. Her life was being threatened but he had done nothing. Guilt would be the mildest term that he could use to describe how he was feeling right now. And just like a ball of fire, Ellie's words burned him with such intensity, starting from the pit of his stomach extending both ways, as remorse consumed his whole being.

* * *

The sudden shrill of Mac's phone pierced through the stillness of the waiting area, startling his bothered mind. When he saw it was Danny, he walked a few steps away from where he was sitting and answered the call. A necklace was found in the alley beside the ATM machine, where the Unis saw Jo walked up to before she disappeared around its corner. Danny was able to find a partial print from the top of the heart pendant that was not submerged in the murky water and matched it to the perp, Richard Layne's fingerprint.

Adam was able to trace the phone calls made from Layne's phone to his mother Lara and find out their home address. Mac was told that Don was already on his way to tell the family of the unfortunate event and after a series of inquiries and some more additional instructions, Mac ended the call and went back to his seat.

It was then that the doors of the O.R opened and they saw a pale, unconscious Jo being transported on a gurney to the recovery room.

"Mama" Ellie whimpered and was about to go near her mother but a nurse stopped them from going near her.

"You can go near her later when she's already in the room, upstairs." The nurse said before hurrying after the crew.

"Is she alright? Why is she so pale?" Ellie asked tearfully, looking up at her brother.

"She lost quite a lot of blood according to the doctor but they gave her transfusion. She's fine, Ellie. Don't worry." Tyler said although he was shocked to see his mother that pale, also.

Ellie turned to Sheldon and asked for an explanation about her mother's wound and in no time, Sheldon started explaining to her Jo's wound and its implications.

"Tyler, why don't you and Ellie go back to the apartment and have some sleep then come back here later? Mom's still sleeping anyway and she probably will stay that way till later." Russ told Tyler, looking at his wristwatch.

"But… I don't want to leave mom, dad." Tyler appealed, could not find in his heart to leave the hospital especially after seeing his mother unconscious, her face drained of any color.

"I know son, but you have to get some rest too." Russ answered gently, understanding how his son was feeling.

"But who'd stay with mom?"Sheldon had just finished explaining bullet wounds to Ellie when she walked over to where Russ and Tyler were talking.

Mac was just two seats away from the father and son and could not help but overhear what Ellie had just asked.

"I'm staying, Ellie." Mac said standing up, just as Russ turned to face him when he heard what Mac had just said.

"I'll stay with Jo. Agent Josephson is right. You should go home and catch some sleep. Plus your mom would need some things so how about you go back home with Tyler and bring some of her things tomorrow or rather later, when you come back?" Mac said, looking at the time as he stopped beside Ellie.

"But… what if…" Ellie trailed off not wanting to voice out her fear.

"I'll call you. I promise." Mac answered, knowing what Ellie was trying to say.

After a few seconds, Ellie looked at Tyler and lightly nodded her head at him. She really did not want to leave the hospital but she knew that there was nothing for them to do at the moment while Jo was still under the spell of anesthesia. She's tired and sleepy and she knew that a few hours' sleep would do her some good. Jo would always remind her that she'd be of no good to anybody if she's running on fumes so although reluctant, she asked Tyler to go home with her.

Sheldon volunteered to take the children back to Jo's apartment before he went home himself, promising a ride back to the hospital in the morning. When the three of them left, Mac was about to sit back down to the chair he had been keeping warm since he arrived at the hospital when he heard Russ' voice.

"Detective Taylor, thank you for being here with us but you don't have to stay tonight. I'll stay with Jo, you don't have to worry." Russ said, standing in front of Mac.

Mac looked at Russ, a slight frown starting to form on his forehead.

"It's alright, Agent Josephson. Jo's a member of my team. I'd like to stay here at least until morning." Mac gave Russ a small, tight smile but his tone was firm.

"Are you sure it's alright? I mean, nobody's home… waiting… or something?" Russ asked cautiously, not wanting to sound intrusive.

Mac was frozen on the spot for a second when he realized he had not called Christine since he left the restaurant. But he quickly put on a poker face, wanting to hide from Russ the discomfort he felt upon remembering the engagement party that he had hastily left without so much as a proper goodbye to the guests. To Christine's family.

"It's alright. I'll just stay here tonight." Mac said, offering another half-hearted smile before planting himself on the chair.

When he realized Mac would not leave, Russ went back to his own chair and they both waited for Jo to be released from the recovery room and transferred to a regular room. Both men tried to think of something to be talked about but in the end, they both sat stoically, acknowledging the fact that it would be a very long, silent, night.

* * *

**Forgive me for taking this long and yet could only come up with this less than stellar chapter. Too many things happening all at the same time, my mind's just a big mess right now. Really sorry for not being able to sustain the momentum of the story. But still, thank you very much to all of you who are still reading, following, and of course, reviewing. They really mean a lot to me. Thank you.**

**Again, please leave me some reviews for this chapter, too.**

**Hope you won't give up on me, yet. Thanks!**


	5. Chapter 5

**From Chapter 4**

"It's alright. I'll just stay here tonight." Mac said, offering another half-hearted smile before planting himself on the chair.

When he realized Mac would not leave, Russ went back to his own chair and they both waited for Jo to be released from the recovery room and transferred to a regular room. Both men tried to think of something to be talked about but in the end, they both sat stoically, acknowledging the fact that it would be a very long, silent, night.

**Chapter 5**

Looking at you're sleeping form right now was a marvel of its own kind. Except of the ghostly, white complexion that had replaced the rosy glow of your face, indicating that last night was real, you slept peacefully as if what had happened last night was just a nightmare I wish I didn't had. I had always loved watching you sleep because it would give me a kind of calming, soothing sensation that I could never find in anything else. Then your waking up had always been an entirely different production ranging from the sweet, smiling face to the irritated-by-the-alarm, scowling face, all depending on how much sleep you'd had. Watching you sleep right now made me realize that this was the first time that I got this close to you since we separated without you pushing me away.

Mac had just thrown me a weird look from where he was sitting a few steps away from the bed when he saw me smirk. He might be thinking I was going nuts already because obviously, you're sleeping and there's nobody else here but us three. And I was not even opening my mouth. Well, I don't care, he could look at me weirdly all he wanted but I just could not keep myself from showing even the tiniest of smile. Want to know why? Because if you were conscious, you'd have corrected me by saying 'divorce' when I said separated. That's a bad habit you'd developed since we separated. To keep on saying 'divorce'. See, I had just managed to say separated again without being corrected by you. But of course, if you're awake, he'd be the one smirking because I would have said 'separated' out loud and you'd have corrected me again.

Hey Jo, remember the question I asked you that time I went to the crime lab? Were you sure that there's no reason for me to be jealous? Because Mac had been here since last night and he haven't even had slept a wink yet. He's guarding you like a warden and just won't budge when all of your teammates had already gone home. If this was a competition, I would have already lost to him because I had dozed off for an hour or so at the waiting area and when I opened my eyes, he was still sitting on his chair a steaming cup of coffee in his hand. He offered to get me a cup too after telling me that he had given up coffee a couple of years ago and mumbled that he needed something to keep him awake but I told him I'd get one myself since I needed to walk around, get my blood running again. That boss of yours didn't talk much if it wasn't for a case, did he? I bet it would be hard for him to express his feelings especially to a woman he liked. Say, didn't he had someone? I think I remember Tyler telling me he's with a restaurateur? I wonder how he told her how he feels.

Jo had already been released to a regular hospital room early in the morning but she had not been awake enough to talk to. When the anesthesia had worn off, she was given pain killers making her fall back to deep slumber. Russ had sent a text message to Tyler to tell him that Jo was not yet fully awake and they should not rush in coming back to the hospital.

Mac was just wondering what Russ was smiling about when his phone vibrated in his pocket. He took it out and when he saw that it was Christine calling, he excused himself and went out to answer the call.

"Mac, where are you? Are you okay?" came Christine's worried voice.

"Yes, I'm fine. I stayed in the hospital. Sorry I forgot to call you. When I remembered, it was already past two in the morning." Mac said apologetically, his guilt doubling, now that he'd no choice but to admit that he'd forgotten about Christine.

"How's Jo doing? Was it that bad?" Christine asked neutrally, an indication that she was just curious as opposed to being concerned.

"She's out of danger now but she's still under pain medications." Mac said, not sure if he should go into detail.

There was an uncomfortable pause before he heard Christine's voice again.

"So she's okay? Is she alone, I mean are you the only one there with her?"

Mac frowned at her question, not knowing what to make out of it.

"Well, they took out the bullet from the side of her abdomen and she's now in pain killers so she's asleep most of the time but would groggily groan in pain when she's… well, semi-conscious." Mac answered tentatively. "And Russ is here. He's her ex-husband." He added.

"Her ex-husband? And he's there since last night?" Her tone unbelieving, almost contemptuous.

"Yes, he's here since last night." Mac answered, trying to guess where this question would lead to.

"So… Jo's not alone. But why did you have to stay the whole night at the hospital? Don't you have to go to work this morning?" Christine's voice hinted on being a little annoyed and Mac finally understood what she was trying to point out.

"I wanted to make sure that she'd be okay and somebody from the crime lab would be here to extend assistance if ever the need arises. I'm used to sleeping only a little, don't worry about me." Mac said, trying to appease Christine but somehow he felt that this was not the sole reason why she was silently admonishing his staying overnight at the hospital. It was the hasty retreat from the party.

A short pause followed before he heard Christine's sigh.

"Well do you think we could have dinner together tonight?"

"Yes. I think we could." Mac said, although he knew that the dinner was just a front. What she really wanted was to talk about what he did last night. Although he knew it was not right for him to just leave his own engagement party the way he did, he also knew that being here for one of his team member who was shot while doing her job was the right thing to do also. But of course he knew that Christine would not understand his reason. A lot of people won't, either.

After ending the call, Mac went back to Jo's room and told Russ that he had to head back to the crime lab. He asked Russ to call him anytime if Jo would need anything and Russ thanked him as he stood to shake his hand before Mac left the room again.

It had only been more than an hour since Mac had left when Tyler and Ellie came back to the hospital together with Don. Since Don had technically taken the night shift last night, he was off-duty this morning, thus decided to come and visit Jo. He'd called up Ellie to tell her that he'd fetch them on his way to the hospital and called Sheldon to tell him of the changes when Ellie told Don that Sheldon had planned on sending them to the hospital before he went to the crime lab.

After finding the necklace last night, Don had received Adam's call to tell him where Richard Layne's mother lived and probably where he did too. True enough, when he went to the address given by Adam, Lara Layne confirmed her son lived with her together with her granddaughter. Don reiterated to her what had happened and showed her the necklace that they'd found.

The loud wailing of the elderly woman had woken up the young girl that had been sleeping in the room adjoining the receiving area, making her come out to see what was happening. When Lara saw her granddaughter, she held her tightly against her as tears continued pouring from her eyes. Confused of what's going on and scared of her grandmother's incessant crying, young Alice looked behind her where Don was sitting and saw the necklace he was holding up between his thumb and forefinger.

Recognizing her necklace, she released herself from the tight clutch of her grandmother and approached Don. She took the necklace from his hand and stared at it as if trying to confirm that it was her necklace. When she was convinced that it was indeed hers, she walked back to Lara and holding up the chain to her, asked about her father.

"Where's Daddy?" said her tiny voice, her eyes looking fearfully at Lara. It was as if she was afraid that whatever it was that Lara was crying about might have something to do with her father.

Lara did not answer her at first, but when Alice asked the same question again, she had no choice but to tell her the truth.

"Daddy's gone, my sweet girl. Daddy's gone." Lara said before breaking out into another sobbing that evolved into wailing.

Not fully understanding what her grandmother meant, Alice let her tears flow silently down her sunken cheeks. She might not know what the real situation was but she understood the word 'gone' and it was enough to break her heart.

"Where did Daddy go, Nana? He's not coming back?" Alice asked, her wide, scared eyes staring at her grandmother. It was as if she needed to hear it from her Nana that her daddy would never walk through the door again.

Lara's cries only grew louder as she heard what Alice had just asked. She looked back at the small child who would never see her father again. Her son, Jonas, had done everything for this child in front of her. He had not been a perfect son to Lara, never even been close. He had only barely finished high school even when Lara persuaded him and later on pleaded to him to finish his studies so that he could give himself a better life. Lara had used what little amount of money her late husband had managed to save before he retired as a teacher to fund her son's education. But her pleadings were met with a deaf ear. Jonas got his girlfriend pregnant at 16 but left her when their relationship started to turn tough. It was only when Alice was born and she was left to him that he started changing his ways. Alice brought out the best in her father. He became responsible and giving, always thinking about his daughter before himself. When Alice was diagnosed to have a congenital heart disease, Jonas thought of ways on how to earn enough money to save his daughter's life but he was forced to rob when he got desperate.

"No baby. Daddy won't be coming home." Lara told her truthfully. She knew she could have hid the truth from her and make up some stories but she knew that it would not be fair to Alice and to Jonas.

Don sat unmoving as he listened how Lara Layne told the truth to her granddaughter. His heart broke a little each time Lara revealed a small piece of the whole night to Alice who stood listening carefully, clinging to her every words. When Don left the humble place, his heart felt much heavier than when he came bearing the yet unspoken bad news. He now understood why Jo might had been that concerned about Jonas' daughter and the necklace. Jonas Layne was not a bad man, after all.

* * *

**First of all, THANK YOU VERY VERY MUCH to all of you who, even after a few months of zero update, would still let me know that you haven't given up on me & on this fic yet. I truly appreciate all of it. It may sound mushy & all but those emails, PMs, and tweets were what I held on to when it was almost unthinkable for me to continue writing. I really really love all of you. Thank you so so much, from the bottom of my heart.**

**This chapter may be too short but I was just too excited to prolong the publication. Forgive me for this, short and so-so chapter. I'll try to make it better in the next update. I'm trying to get back my bearing in writing. Again, sorry and thank you sooo much.**


End file.
